Pro volleyball player Victoria Prince said she found out in mid-October that she’s expecting K-Fed’s fifth child, and friends fear the surprising baby news could send the emotionally fragile Britney back off the rails.

“Britney never wanted Kevin to have another child unless it was with her,” revealed a source. “She desperately wants to have a baby girl, and she had hoped Kevin would be the dad.”

Britney, meanwhile, appeared in Perth, Australia, donning a see-through T-shirt and no bra, her tits really getting into the spirit of being Down Under.

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I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm liked a baked good. I love the smell of Balmex. Love it.

Other smells SJP is fond of? Taco burps. Cod liver oil. Retirement homes. The Dumpster behind Joe’s Crab Shack. You know, normal stuff.

“I stayed. I even went back after he beat me, which was wrong … I’m a human being and people put me on a very unrealistic pedestal. I’m not perfect. It’s pretty natural for that to be the first reaction. It’s completely normal to go back and start lying to yourself. The minute the physical wounds go away, you want this thing to go away. This is a memory you don’t want to have again.”

And then she ran her fingers through her bleached flop, jumped on her Vision, and did some ollies while listening to Suicidal Tendencies’ “Join the Army” on tape.

Note: CelebNewsWire does not condone or make light of domestic violence but we do think Rihanna’s current hairdo is real funny.

“No one cares about me. They don’t, by the way. It’s about how they feel, not how I feel. It’s not about me. It’s never been about me, unless I fight for it . . . Mommy says that I’m worse than you were. And she’s defending . . . She doesn’t back me . . . she doesn’t stand by me.”

These words were peppered with painfully heart-wrenching sobs and honestly, when we listened, we honestly tossed around the idea of quitting our near-constant Lindsay-skewering. But then we’d be the nice blog, and Celebitchy’s already holding that title, so scurrilous we remain.

Lindsay took to Twitter and responded to the voice mails, saying:

“My fathers [sic] such a loser & those recordings are from years ago. To release personal things is foul enough, but to edit them … I used to think that he needed the book for dummies on learning how to be a father. Haha-he’s [sic] needs the book for dummies on HOW TO BE A MAN”

He does need that book. It’s worked wonders for us. After we read it we started quoting Tucker Max and sitting on the subway with our legs spread comically wide apart and now we make 76 more cents an hour!

Lindsay won’t tweet at us. Will you? Twitta atcha boy!

NBA star Rashad McCants says there was nothing real about his stint on former girlfriend Khloe Kardashian’s reality show. The shooting guard said Khloe and sister Kourtney, who claimed he cheated on Khloe, “made the whole thing up.” McCants said a “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami” episode — where they were seen hacking into McCants’ voice mail and listening to suggestive phone messages apparently left for him by a female fan — was staged. He said the curvy sisters did not have his current phone number and he and Khloe “had already called it quits” in January, before the segment was even taped.

We know you’re upset about this truly unbelievable accusation, so we’ve planned a little pick me up: a story about Kim Kardashian getting punched in the face! Hey, who are we to judge what amuses you? We just report the facts. Says Popeater:

Kim Kardashian offered herself as a punching bag for charity.The reality TV starlet participated in a boxing event that benefits The Dream Foundation at the Commerce Casino in Commerce, California. Kardashian took several punches to the face and eventually lost the fight. She’s even sporting a day-after black eye from the dust-up.

Hmmm. That looks a bit more like too much of Urban Decay’s S&M shade and excessive Fabulash to us.

The tape includes footage of the beauty playing sexy bedroom games with first husband Ojani Noa. In one sizzling scene, J.Lo is looking at herself in a bathroom mirror, wearing only a bra and panties – and showing off her famous butt . . . naughty Jennifer [is] seen on the tape in skimpy underwear being chased around the bedroom by Noa, who playfully spanks her. In another eye-popping shot, a clearly immodest J.Lo laughs as the camera catches her climbing onto a motorcycle wearing a short dress and no panties.

No one knows where the motorcycle went that day. But some say that if you shake J. Lo like a piggy bank, it will come rattling out of her ass along with 4 bicycles, a Sit n’ Spin, and a chestnut broodmare.

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Josh Duhamel and wife Fergie are denying another round of allegations from an Atlanta stripper that she had a one-night stand with the actor.

“This is not the first nor will it be the last time that a stripper was paid a large amount of money to sell a false story about a celebrity,” says Duhamel’s rep. “This story is absolutely ridiculous.”

A rep for Fergie adds: “These allegations are nonsense.”

In her latest interview, Nicole Forrester says she had sex with Duhamel in an Atlanta hotel a week after he came into the Tattletale club, where she works as a dancer. Forrester says she has text messages and polygraph test to back her up.

“We did hook up and had lots of sex and we had a really, really good time,” Forrester told Atlanta radio station Q100’s “Bert Show” on Monday.

Honestly? There’s not much difference between Fergie and an Atlanta stripper. One of them releases urine out of her crotch onstage, the other one picks up dollar bills with her crotch onstage. Guess which.